Screaming in your dreams
Welcome to...gestures to whatever this is
A quick note from me: Hi friends! Even since I drafted this last week, the news has gotten more and more dystopian. I truly believe we're living through the greatest danger of our lifetimes and it will take all of us to get through this to the other side. Which is why I am writing this! But just wanted to acknowledge that lumbering elephant in the room. I called this first post "screaming in your dreams" because that best describes how I've been feeling: When you're in a dream full of dread and emergency and you're trying to scream to save yourself or someone else, but your mouth is not in your control or no sound escapes. It's a powerless and absurd feeling. But this is not a dream, and I'm ready to scream my freaking head off. xo, Kirsten
Since the election, the desire to write about it has been sitting there like a faintly painful loose tooth I’ve been prodding or a bruise that hasn’t healed—something to trouble over and wince at, but there. Insistent. Maybe other writers or artists can relate to that feeling that an iceberg is right there under the surface, and it’s becoming increasingly ridiculous to wade around it. There’s so much in my brain right now and I know that so much of it is there because of many of the things that got us here in the first place—an endless scroll and a going under into the blue—blue in all senses—tug of the sea of quick takes, trolling comments, videos lobbed in a millisecond.
All of this has made me feel so sick and sad and spiritually anemic. I’m sure I’m not the only one, and I think that can make it feel difficult to meet this moment. But the moment must be met and being ready is a side concern, like a lamp you don’t get a chance to turn on before walking into the dark and unfamiliar room. Yet walk in you must. You’ll find your way with your hands and your shins and by the cracks of light through the window; you’ll find a new way.
Some of the writing I’ve appreciated most from people much wiser than myself, and also more experienced in organizing and weathering totalitarianism urged from the beginning: Find your communities. For me, writing has always been one of those communities, and in the act of writing and reading beyond my own perspective, I’ve often found solace, grace, and yes, resolve.
There’s a sort of funny-queasy meme I’ve seen circling the interwebs—basically, it’s a drag, but I guess we have to do this revolution now. I’m paraphrasing, of course, but there really isn’t anyone who’s going to save us. It’s up to us. Now, more than ever, I feel the desire to reach out to people, my people, people that I haven’t met. If I can help anyone else find their way to be involved, then that’s success. I know so many of my friends and family have been that person for me—they’ve shown me the way.
Although I’m not leaving Meta at this time because I still follow a lot of useful accounts and friends there, I do want to purposefully divest more of my time and energy from Facebook and Instagram. I don’t want to give them the content of my carefully crafted sentences, or my memories. Writing outside the cube will be a way of doing this—Dr. Brittney Cooper, an awesome scholar I follow on, yes, Instagram, called this The Digital Great Migration. In her piece, the context is very much rooted in Black writers and thinkers migrating from platforms that have become toxic in order to create community elsewhere. In general, I am definitely seeing a trend of people diving into long-form writing and video-sharing in an effort to divest from the endless scroll and the greedy, oligarch-in-training owned platforms that want us to stay there, sucking their sour and addictive juices and consuming our data and attention spans in the process.
The imperatives
It feels imperative to try all the things we can to protect people (our undocumented neighbors, trans kids, the LGTBGIA+ community, women, federal workers, Palestinians…) and survive and do good and oppose what is happening, and to learn from the elders who have been so beautifully teaching us since time immemorial. It’s also a way to breach distances and to tangibly help one another with opportunities for learning and action. I’ve been collecting a lot of those in the past weeks, and it feels imperative to both share them and to solicit them and hear from others in my community (that's you!).
Find joy. This has been the other imperative. I want to share that, too. These are the boats that will bear us across darkness and pain and anxiety. We are sun-seeking creatures; we seek the suns of laughter, communion. And so that is my other goal.
Housekeeping things:
This platform has buttons about payment, etc., that I can’t remove. I’m not doing this to make money or even to reach people beyond my own family and friends. And even among those family and friends, I know not everyone will be reading, and that’s fine! So, subscribe if you’re interested in hearing from me, but I really have no expectations or “goals” except for the aforementioned community-building and joy-seeking. And how liberating that is!
In terms of action-oriented items: I’m going to keep a list of links in every post I write to share the writers and organizers I’m finding clarifying and that are helping me plug in to movements and tangible actions I can take. Tangible actions are like the little straw I’m breathing in while swimming underwater, but they’re bringing in air, and with that straw, I can swim a good long ways (and yes, I have a lot of privilege that helps me keep swimming, too). I’ll keep adding to this list, and if you have someone or something I should add, let me know!
And now, onto joy.
I actually have many, so I'll save some! In no particular order, but these are all things that have helped me.
***The beautiful Cesar Chavez mural above, which is on the side of the 5 Points Market and Restaurant in Tucson, AZ. According to this deep-dive into Tucson's murals, "...you'll see this sweeping mural of what looks like Indigenous deities perched next to the Aztec mother goddess Tonan. They're actually historical figures like Leo Tolstoy, Mahatma Gandhi and Chicano activist Cesar Chavez. The scene was painted by by muralist Melchor Ramirez in honor of Chavez."
Simon & Schuster
***Conversations with friends and family. These have been life-giving. I've also been journaling my way through this helpful workbook, Democracy in Retrograde, to reflect on my civic identity/goals and the best ways for me to get involved in my communities and politics for the long-haul. Book club anyone?? But seriously, how can we stitch some sort of digital community together and lift each other up when the going gets tough?
Oh, and you! You always. You are helping. ❤️
Pinned resources 📌
Chop Wood, Carry Water newsletter - daily actions with scripts and a "good news" roundup on Sundays, free newsletter
5 calls app - scripts and numbers right in your phone, free
Emily Amick newsletter (@emilyinyourphone) - action items and how to call, political insider/culture stuff, former legislative aide for Chuck Schumer, some is free, some is subscription-only
For general coverage and insights/hope/great writing:
Heather Cox Richardson Letters from an American
Rebecca Solnit Meditations in an Emergency
Jay Kuo The Big Picture
Stacey Abrams' Assembly Required podcast,
Jamelle Bouie - NY Times columnist, Instagram reels, YouTube
Oath - no spam political giving